The Ache of Loving Him Slowly

I like him. I really, really like him. I love being with him. I love his laugh, the way he talks, the way he lets me see pieces of himself no one else does. I love his son. I love that he trusts me. I love that he wants me around. I love that he lets me in. I love him.

And I want him — all of him. I’m fully into him, fully present, fully feeling this connection. I want him in the quiet, private moments too — nights in bed, cooking together, sitting on the couch, talking, laughing, just being. I want him fully present, fully alive, genuinely engaged with me.

Sometimes, though… at home, it feels like he holds back. Kisses, touches, cuddles — they’re there, yes, but careful, routine, almost polite. And I notice. I feel it. And I long for that spark, that extra heat, in our everyday moments — not because I’m less into him, but because I want to feel the fullness of what we share in every small moment.

I also want to feel seen by him. Compliments, small words of admiration, gestures that are genuine — not because he thinks he should, but because he truly notices me. That kind of affirmation matters as much as closeness. It tells me he’s here, fully present, noticing all of me.

I know why he sometimes holds back. Depression. Anxiety. Grief. Heartbreak. Trauma. Life asking too much for too long. He doesn’t fall in love fast. But when he does… when he truly gives himself to someone… he loves deeply, completely, and with a devotion that’s rare. That’s who he is. And I respect it. I move gently, give space, love deeply, and trust the process without ever dimming my own feelings.

Through it all, I lean on God. I pray for patience when my heart aches, for wisdom when I feel unsure, and for guidance as we navigate this relationship. I trust Him to nurture this love, protect it, and help it grow naturally between us. He’s the reason I can hold hope while feeling this longing — that balance of being fully in love while trusting the pace we need.

Sometimes, it hits like a punch in the chest. I want him fully — his attention, his presence, his energy. I want to feel our connection in a way that matches how deeply I care. I want closeness that’s alive, affection that’s genuine, affirmation that’s real. But I know love takes time. Growth is gradual. And I trust God to guide our hearts and help our bond deepen at the right pace.

I’m here. I’m all in. I want him fully, alive with me, genuinely present, and truly himself. I understand he doesn’t fall fast, but when he truly loves, he does so with his whole heart. I hold onto that, while feeling my own love for him fully — passionate, steady, unwavering — leaning on God for patience, hope, and courage.